Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
