My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
