is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
