She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
