I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
