He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
