So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
