drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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