Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
a search helicopter?!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
