Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
