I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
