If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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