I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
