I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
