I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
