Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
