I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Im just a social blackout drinker.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
