Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
