When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
