The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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