Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
