this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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