friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
