The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
