hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
