hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
