i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You pole danced in your parka.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
