She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
