I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
