my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
