Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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