I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
