Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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