I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
