end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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