elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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