i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
