i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
