I can tuck mytits in my pants
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
