please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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