after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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