God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
