I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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