i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
