Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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