Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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