thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
