I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
