your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it's great music for shaving your balls
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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