We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
