I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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